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| | The FREE SPIRITS Resource Network Network is not currently active and cannot accept new posts | | Three Skills to Improve Conversation | Views: 968 | | May 13, 2007 6:47 pm | | Three Skills to Improve Conversation | # | 
Lasse Burholt... Everywhere! | | Three Skills to Improve Conversation
By: Brian Tracy
One key to becoming a great conversationalist is to pause before replying. A short pause, of three to five seconds, is a very classy thing to do in a conversation. When you pause, you accomplish three goals simultaneously.
The Benefits of Pausing
First, you avoid running the risk of interrupting if the other person is just catching his or her breath before continuing. Second, you show the other person that you are giving careful consideration to his or her words by not jumping in with your own comments at the earliest opportunity. The third benefit of pausing is that you will actually hear the other person better. His or her words will soak into a deeper level of your mind and you will understand what he or she is saying with greater clarity. By pausing, you mark yourself as a brilliant conversationalist.
Ask Questions
Another way to become a great conversationalist is to question for clarification. Never assume that you understand what the person is saying or trying to say. Instead, ask, "How do you mean, exactly?"
This is the most powerful question I've ever learned for controlling a conversation. It is almost impossible not to answer. When you ask, "How do you mean?" the other person cannot stop himself or herself from answering more extensively. You can then follow up with other open-ended questions and keep the conversation rolling along.
Great communicators are also excellent conversationalists
Communication is a large part of our everyday lives and mastering the art of the conversation is a key component.
Paraphrase the Speaker's Words
The third way to become a great conversationalist is to paraphrase the speaker's words in your own words. After you've nodded and smiled, you can then say, "Let me see if I've got this right. What you're saying is . . ."
Demonstrate Attentiveness
By paraphrasing the speaker's words, you demonstrate in no uncertain terms that you are genuinely paying attention and making every effort to understand his or her thoughts or feelings. And the wonderful thing is, when you practice effective listening, other people will begin to find you fascinating. They will want to be around you. They will feel relaxed and happy in your presence.
Listening Builds Trust
The reason why listening is such a powerful tool in developing the art and skill of conversation is because listening builds trust. The more you listen to another person, the more he or she trusts you and believes in you.
Listening also builds self-esteem. When you listen attentively to another person, his or her self-esteem will naturally increase.
Listening Develops Discipline
Finally, listening builds self-discipline in the listener. Because your mind can process words at 500-600 words per minute, and we can only talk at about 150 words per minute, it takes a real effort to keep your attention focused on another person?s words. If you do not practice self-discipline in conversation, your mind will wander in a hundred different directions. The more you work at paying close attention to what the other person is saying, the more self-disciplined you will become. In other words, by learning to listen well, you actually develop your own character and your own personality.
Action Exercises
Here are two things you can do immediately to put these ideas into action.
First, make a habit of pausing before replying in any conversation or discussion. You will be amazed at how powerful this technique really is.
Second, continually ask, ?How do you mean?? in response to anything that is not perfectly clear. This gives you even more time to listen well.
Lasse Burholt - LinkedIN: http://www.linkedin.com/in/lasseburholt
Inspiration, motivation: http://freespirit-network.ryze.com/
Personal Blog (Pictures): http://www.burholt.blogspot.com
Skype: lasseburholt - MSN: lasseburholt@hotmail.com - Yahoo: lazerworldwidePrivate Reply to Lasse Burholt... Everywhere! | | Jun 01, 2007 5:39 am | | re: Three Skills to Improve Conversation | # | 
Barbara Eyre | | Lasse,
This is an excellent post ... thank you for taking the time to provide this information.
While it's harder to pause during a conversation online and show the speaker you are listening ... many of these tips can be used in online conversations in chat and messanger.
Despite the diversity of the internet, I have come to find out that conversation, speaking, communicating is so lacking - poor spelling, poor grammar, incomplete thoughts, etc. I know I've fallen victim to this. But I am trying to correct that.
Talk to you soon!
Barbara EyrePrivate Reply to Barbara Eyre | | Jun 01, 2007 6:56 am | | re: re: Three Skills to Improve Conversation | # | 
Nigel | |
I am keen to become a brilliant conversationalist....
... i shall pause more.
also, the open questions:- Who, What, Why, how, when, where are great to get people to open up...
I find that in a multicultural city like Vienna, asking people about their roots usually works well...
- where are your from, i mean where are your family roots from?.
-why did you come to vienna?
- where are you going? is another good one. ( in life I mean, not right now?)
other good ones:- what are the last 3 books you read? who are the 3 people you would most like to meet? what are your goals in life, and what would help you most to reach them?
also asking about them and their passion, easy for me since i have projects in that area. If i sense and interesting conversation, i ask "What is your passion in life?"
.... while other people are still enquiring about the weather! life is short. live it while you have the chance....
try this approach too:- http://www.netweaving.com/heartOfNetweaving.html
nigelPrivate Reply to Nigel | | Jun 19, 2007 8:48 pm | | re: re: re: Three Skills to Improve Conversation | # | 
Amanda Doyle Jimenez | | Excellent post
I especially like the part about pausing! I work on the telephones a lot and this is an important elimante for me to work on, because it is difficult to know that the person is trully finished, especially when you can not see their expression
I was just thinking today, I book more appointments by keepingm y mouth shut and listening to what my customer wants then when I m in a talkative mood, and ramble them right off the phone
Amanda Jimenez
Director of Consultants
The Sensible Gourmet
http://www.thesensiblegourmet.net/adoylejimenez
100% of profits from orders placed is donated to Breast Cancer Research and finding a cure!!!Private Reply to Amanda Doyle Jimenez | | Jun 20, 2007 12:04 pm | | : re: re: re: Three Skills to Improve Conversation | # | 
Keli McNamara | | Good morning all,
These are really great postings/info!!! Brian Tracy is awesome!!!
I am subscribed to a fun "Get Synergized" newsletter and I just received an email about "Ten Steps to Developing Communication Confidence" and thought you might all enjoy this info also.
Have fun checking it out!!! It's free and no strings attached.
"Ten Steps to Developing Communication Confidence"
Smiles!!!
Keli :)))
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